Saturday, 16 December 2017

POEM - More Christmas Clerihews


Well, it's nearly Christmas, and you know what that means? Yes! More Christmas Clerihews

It is well-documented that I love a Christmas Clerihew or three and, true to form, I've been busy writing some more this year in the run up to the festive season. 

In case you've never heard of it before, a Clerihew is a type of short, nonsensical poem in which you take a famous figure or celebrity, and tell you some wildly untrue or spurious information about them as if it were fact. 

The more ridiculous, the better. 

Clerihews are usually four lines long, and they have a simple AABB rhyme scheme, an uneven/wonky meter and a lot of forced rhymes too. Basically, they're meant to read like deliberately Bad Poetry. This makes them  perfect for a little bit of seasonal silliness:


Baby Jesus
loves stinky cheeses.
I know that he's God's only son
but he's just eaten all of our Stilton!

Joseph and Mary
love stationery.
If the stable had run out of space,
they'd've spent the night in Paperchase.

Mariah Carey
is impressively hairy;
now her fans are all spending their cash
attempting to steal her moustache.

St Nicholas
is getting pissed.
After five million glasses of sherry,
he's closer to shit-faced than merry...

King Wenceslaus
has a fabulous arse.
It's deep and it's crisp and it's even -
and one hundred times better than Stephen's.


King Wenceslaus (not pictured, his fabulous arse)

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